Family Members in Japanese

Two sets of words: your family and theirs

Japanese divides people into an inner group, うち, and an outer group, そと. When you talk to someone outside your family, your own relatives are part of your group, so you describe them with plain, humble words. The listener's relatives, or anyone else's, get the polite forms, usually with お or ご in front and さん at the end. This is the same in-group and out-group logic behind polite Japanese in general, applied to the people closest to you.

• 母は先生です。(はは は せんせい です, My mother is a teacher.)
• 田中さんのお母さんは先生です。(たなかさん の おかあさん は せんせい です, Ms. Tanaka's mother is a teacher.)
• ご家族は何人ですか。(ごかぞく は なんにん ですか, How many people are in your family?)
• 四人家族です。(よにん かぞく です, We are a family of four.)

Notice that the question uses ご家族 for the listener's family, while the answer drops ご. Family size is counted with 人, so the irregular readings from the Japanese counters guide apply: 一人 (ひとり), 二人 (ふたり), 三人 (さんにん), 四人 (よにん).

The core family words

These are the words you will use most. The left column is what you say about your own family to an outsider. The right column is for someone else's family, and the first several double as the way to address older relatives directly.

Two details are easy to miss. Older siblings have their own word stems (兄, 姉) that change shape in the polite form, while younger siblings simply add さん. And 兄弟 is the general word for siblings even when sisters are included, so a woman with two sisters can still say 三人兄弟です. When the siblings are all sisters, 姉妹 (しまい) is also common.

Saying 私のお母さん to a teacher, a boss or a stranger sounds childish. Adults switch to 母 and 父 in polite conversation, at work and in interviews. Among friends, お母さん and お父さん for your own parents are common and fine.

How to address your own family

Inside the family, the rule flips for older relatives. You do not call your mother はは to her face. You call her お母さん, or more casually 母さん (かあさん) or ママ. A younger family member addresses an older one by role, while the older one calls the younger by name:

• Parents: お父さん and お母さん, or パパ and ママ, which many children use.
• Older siblings: お兄さん and お姉さん, or the affectionate お兄ちゃん and お姉ちゃん. Some families shorten them to 兄ちゃん and 姉ちゃん.
• Younger siblings: by first name, often with ちゃん or くん for young children. Words like 弟 and 妹 are not used as forms of address.
• Grandparents: おじいさん and おばあさん, or おじいちゃん and おばあちゃん, which most grandchildren use.

Families often name people from the youngest child's point of view. Once there are children, parents may call each other お父さん and お母さん, and a grandmother may call her own adult son お父さん in front of the grandchildren. It sounds odd at first, but it follows the same idea: everyone uses the word the child would use.

Grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins

The extended family words look similar, so read them slowly. The long vowel is the only thing that separates a grandparent from an uncle or aunt:

• おじいさん (grandfather) vs おじさん (uncle). The いい is a long vowel.
• おばあさん (grandmother) vs おばさん (aunt). The ああ is a long vowel.
• Uncle and aunt in writing: おじ is written 伯父 for a parent's older brother and 叔父 for a parent's younger brother. おば is written 伯母 or 叔母 in the same way. The reading does not change.
• Cousin: いとこ, which covers male and female cousins. Kanji spellings such as 従兄弟 exist but are less common in everyday writing.
• Grandchild: 孫 (まご), and お孫さん (おまごさん) for someone else's.

おじさん, おばさん, おじいさん and おばあさん also work as general words for a middle-aged or elderly stranger, much like saying mister or ma'am. Be careful with this: calling someone おばさん when she does not see herself as middle-aged can come across as rude.

The kanji behind the family words

Many family kanji are among the first a learner meets. 父 (4 strokes) and 母 (5 strokes) are standard JLPT N5 kanji, as are 子, 家 and 女. 兄, 姉, 弟, 妹 and 族 usually appear at N4. On their own, these kanji use their native kun'yomi, such as ちち, はは and あに, but in compounds they often switch to on'yomi, as explained in onyomi vs kunyomi:

• 父 ちち, フ: 父母 (ふぼ, father and mother), 祖父 (そふ, grandfather).
• 母 はは, ボ: 祖母 (そぼ, grandmother), 母国 (ぼこく, home country).
• 兄 あに, キョウ or ケイ: 兄弟 (きょうだい, siblings).
• 姉 あね, シ: 姉妹 (しまい, sisters).
• 家 いえ or うち, カ: 家族 (かぞく, family), 家庭 (かてい, household).

Components help too. 姉, 妹 and 娘 all carry 女 (woman) on the left, which marks them as female relatives. That pattern is a good example of the approach in the kanji radicals guide: one familiar part narrows down the meaning before you know the whole character.

Words to learn as whole units

A few family words use special readings for the whole word rather than the readings of each kanji. Learn them as a block:

• お父さん (おとうさん) and お母さん (おかあさん): the readings とう and かあ appear only in these words and their short forms 父さん and 母さん.
• お兄さん (おにいさん) and お姉さん (おねえさん): にい and ねえ are likewise special to these words.
• 大人 (おとな, adult) and 一人っ子 (ひとりっこ, only child): useful words when you describe your family.
• 息子 (むすこ, son): 息 normally means breath, and the whole word is read むすこ.

A good order is to learn the plain words with their kanji first, since those are what you write, then add the polite forms as vocabulary. Moji teaches 父, 母, 子 and 家 in its N5 set with stroke-order writing and spaced repetition reviews, so the family kanji come back before you forget them. For general memory techniques, see how to remember kanji.